Alchemy.

I have tried self-development like a modern-day alchemy. Taken myself as the base metal, and applied a series of stresses and strains, in the hope this will act as a catalyst for miraculous transformation.

I have not transformed myself. Instead, I have ended up a charred and worn out version of my original - beaten by my own trials.

I face the obvious truth that change takes time - although I am not, and cannot be happy now should not mean I punish myself further.

Instead, I shall endeavour to pursue things which I believe to be positive; reading, writing, language and well-being - without inadvertently attacking or over-exerting myself.

je me suis perdu